There are some things on my heart to say that can never be unsaid, that many will not understand. And even knowing that the core of those who know EXACTLY why this is on my heart in this manner WILL understand doesn’t make it easier to be on the cusp of walking down this particular road alone. But maybe that was God’s reasoning behind keeping me as such. So that when the time came to Make the decision to speak out, i would be strong enough to walk it out.
You have been duped. They have marketed you a lie to justify them sweeping under the rug the truth of what has happened to 100% of you when physically and emotionally is taken into consideration. & you have bought it hook,line & sinker instead of dealing with the work. You have been convinced that Love can make the truth out of a lie, and championed a lie to the hilt instead of realizing that LOVE is TRUTH.
What i have just witnessed this weekend-this media broadcasting of rejoicing of many of my brothers and sisters-this celebration of this “victory” has broken my heart. And it is my ONLY hope that the absence of celebration amongst my big brothers in here, who have TOLD me their truths, who have buckled down & DONE the work that ALL of us who go through that unspeakable shit as children HAVE to do to even begin to fathom the concept of wholeness being able to be a goal…my only hope is that the lie that this is the answer has not infected all.
Instead of institutionalizing the jailing of child predators,
Instead of creating a law that sincerely protects the rights of children from predatory adults, Instead of institutionalizing severe reprimands for emotionally and/or physically cannibalizing your own offspring for sport…
I have just watched my country INSTITUTIONALIZE the continued raping of adults not dealing with their scars from CHILDHOOD sexual, physical & emotional abuse. Instead of saying the adults who introduced you to this shit are wrong, the collective cowardice of this country has opted to say “Instead of punishing those who RAPED YOU as children,who abandoned you as children, who tried to destroy you as children…we will honor your attempts to cleave to whatever…and in the same breath, we are going to give away your voting rights so when THIS Shit fucks you up even more, you can do Nothing democratic about it.”
You cheer the kids strong enough to say they are gay in 11th grade in the media as a way to gloss over how you ignored his cries for help at age four from what his Uncle or big brother was doing to him.
You high-five the adult female who has finally found love with a woman-& its even a good, real love…but you say Nothing on the shit she went through at the hands of men & women,boys & girls growing up that made this the only option for her to have outside of eternal absence of the experience of love in her life.
Instead of curing the true disease-which is an infection in how we allow people to cannibalize each other- you debut your newest band-aid.
“Maybe if they can marry, they will shut up and wont think to push any child protective laws forward in regards to what we can sic on the kids down the road.”
My heart aches for the MEN trapped in full-on Loveless relationships with other men, locked in a place that silently mirrors shit they went through growing up with deadbeat dads…who can now at Least MARRY the assholes they’ve agreed to let continue to abuse them and/or objectify them, or monetize them. They are no different from the teenaged girls who marry the guy who beats the stuffing out of them like they watched their dad do to their mom. It just gets more metaphoric.
But at least now there may be a bigger payoff at the end of the road if you survive his assholic behavior. NOW he can beat you to within an inch of your life…but a judge may award you the House in the divorce…that has to be retrofitted with ramps because your ass can no longer walk.
But all of us are fucked.
One way or another.
Because we are all going to be witness to the carnage of it until the one begging to help all of us overcome the fucked shit factored into this world shows up & shows the fuck out on behalf of those courageous enough, even weary enough…to actually try giving it to him. Watching your friends choose to be pulled apart by dogs is as traumatizing as blindly choosing to subject yourself to it. Which is what many don’t even realize they are doing.
You’re being set up. The very love that you have found, that you have had to cobble together from the ashes left by the defective humans who set out to hurt you like they’d been hurt, patched together due to the indifference of the adults who came before you & the skewered attempts to help by those who are adults alongside you without dealing with the root issue can be used to destroy your chances at ANY TRUE joy in life.
And those working this shit on you from levels you are too caught up to even fathom KNOW this, count on this, and are aiming at stealing exactly THAT chance for TRUE Joy with this fucked up band aid. They don’t want you healed. They want you herded. They know where the road you are on leads, and like the cow…its all about the easiest delivery of the meat in the end.
2 Thessalonians 2:9-12
Amplified Bible (AMP)
9 The coming [of the lawless one, the antichrist] is through the activity and working of Satan and will be attended by great power and with all sorts of [pretended] miracles and signs and delusive marvels—[all of them] lying wonders—
10 And by unlimited seduction to evil and with all wicked deception for those who are perishing (going to perdition) because they did not welcome the Truth but refused to love it that they might be saved.
11 Therefore God sends upon them a misleading influence, a working of error and a strong delusion to make them believe what is false,
12 In order that all may be judged and condemned who did not believe in [who refused to adhere to, trust in, and rely on] the Truth, but [instead] took pleasure in unrighteousness.
The truth is not that you do or don’t Love this guy beside you.
We are ALL MADE FOR LOVE IN EVERY DIRECTION.
The TRUTH is you got raped by your uncle, tried to tell your father, who was probably doing shit to your uncle growing up because of shit that was done to him…and now your father’s rabid reaction to your “disgraceful” behavior that You have to wear like an A on your chest…is REALLY about the HIDDEN generational family curse of uncle to nephew or even grandmother to grandson-however it goes down & it goes down ALL ways SUDDENLY COMING TO LIGHT WITH YOU “COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET.” So they all get to Hate you and the “disgusting” things you do…but its really about the light you shed on what they’ve all agreed to hide. So the ENtire thing is fucked over from the root, even your trying to FIND it from the fucked blueprints you were handed or tried to make with what you have knowledge of.
So which way, in a situation like that can one NOT be damned?
…we are all fucked without the only one who overcame all the madness consciously factored into this fucked up world. And some of us deal with the fact on a daily basis that even With him, it still manifests more as a going through it thoroughly until its gone than an instant spiriting away.
Not in ANY other religious book on this PLANET does the God running the writing of said religion[& manual] BLUNTLY SAY:
“If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
better known as:
“But whoever causes the downfall of one of these little ones who believe in Me–it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea!”
6 But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in and [a]acknowledge and cleave to Me to stumble and sin [that is, who entices him or hinders him in right conduct or thought], it would be better ([b]more expedient and profitable or advantageous) for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be sunk in the depth of the sea.
7 Woe to the world for such temptations to sin and influences to do wrong! It is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the person on whose account or by whom the temptation comes!
Matthew 18:6-7 amplified.
THAT is what GOD SAYS…NOT “we are just going to marry that away.” He says there is retribution against those who harm you as children. from Heaven. & you need to recognize you are loved enough to believe for THAT kind of Love, not one that takes you back to the moment when you were first raped time& time again as an expression of the only love you’ve been convinced you are worthy to receive here.
& YES! THAT includes THE FUCKED UP PRIESTS & ALL WHO HELPED THEM MOLEST KIDS WHO HAVE SHOWN AND PROVED THEY ARE OF THE SYNAGOGUE OF SATAN THAT THE VERY BIBLE THEY FOUGHT AGAINST YOU EVER HAVING ACCESS TO FROM THE VERY BEGINNING CALLS THEM OUT AS BEING.
And there are are MANY who know the truth of this LIFE, even from the inside of the sham, who just smile as new”converts” charge into the fray, causing frenzies. Why should these young ones fare any better than the older ones did? Why should Anyone speak up outside the marketing ploy to tell these kids who think this is the answer the truth of what the “Life” is like?
Nobody “SAVED” them. why should they save anyone else?
It’s all “Fuck over your neighbor like you have been fucked over yourself.”
“yeah…but Matthew 18:6-7 is talking about Kids..things done to kids. I’m 49 years old. it’s too late for me.”
WRONG. The VERY verses before it in Matthew 18 Have Jesus saying “Become as little kids again so you can even RECEIVE the blessing that IS the Kingdom of Heaven.”
18 At that time the disciples came up and asked Jesus, Who then is [really] the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
2 And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them,
3 And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].
4 Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 And whoever receives and accepts and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My name receives and accepts and welcomes Me.
From a Whole other angle that many of you reading this KNOW i believe…
Those children you WERE you still ARE or he wouldn’t have even made a point to say it as such. The child inside you is not dead. He is not asking you for a miracle of regeneration reviving the child that was killed by life…He is asking you to have faith that the child who had no problem seeing HIM…is still in you, whether you are 19, 49 , 52 or 73.
You are dragging that little kid version of yourself into bed with that person to watch you have done or do what was done to him or her again & again, trying your Damnedest to Make that act OK…but it is Never going to be okay to that child because it should’ve Never Happened to that child. It is the Truth of What happened to him or her, yes. But it Never should have.
And I am not talking about exploration. i repeat we are ALL made for LOVE. A little boy doesn’t Only Love his mom. he loves his PARENTS when given the healthy chance to. But everything is so fucked up that instead of addressing the fathers who were allowed to silently dial out in this world dominated by the wiles of men and the carnage that creates…we’re championing the perversion of Men knowing in their heart they deserve to love fully. Why do you think so many couples are fighting for the right to be fathers now? because what they’d been told would be the answer didn’t address the true wound. It still comes down to a hollowness over being even equipped or given the chance to BE a better father than you have had.
I feel like i am watching people try SO Hard to heal, but because no one is looking at the route, every turn taken builds the stronghold even more. DOMA…though i “get” it… Is NOT addressing the real issue.
The real issue is that LOVE matters.
& getting trapped in the lies that call itself it…only make matters worse.
BUT…what if you DID it?
What if YOU were one of those who ABUSED growing up? What if you are one of those who the Millstone he talks about is set aside for as a better road than the road to what HE has in store for you?
#1…couldn’t that even explain what you are subjecting yourself TO time& time again?
#2. It all depends…you’ve been “at it”, laying beside that pool for 38 years, waiting for some lesser God to stir up the waters so you can be “Healed” by the Love they speak of, at least around that there pool, a kind of love only ONE in like a million of you all ever actually gets healed by[at least so you’ve all heard]..laying there IN IT, sick… dumping all kinds of drugs in you to protect you from the infectious reality of it…make it not literally & physically hurt as much as it really does…
and when finally Asked the real question…
by the real one who can heal you point-blank…
what is your answer?
The question is “Do you even want to be healed?”
Are you going to look around at this dead life you lay in and call it for what it is?
“I have no friends to Help me in to Get Healed”
bluntly read as “None of these motherfuckers laying around with me give a fuck about me being healed.”
Yeah, that is truth.& TRUTH will set you free when it is grasped. but that’s not the answer to the question. because it is Not about THEM. He is asking your ass Do YOU want to BE healed.
If you do want to be healed…& you have been doing this shit- have DONE this shit to others… whether you have poetically stayed abused Or YOU have been the abuser…and find yourself trapped… STILL abusing, or maybe being the bottom like its some sort of phony penance-and rue the day of your death almost as much as your thinly veiled pain regarding the reality of your actual daily life….
the question is still that same simple question.
and it still needs to be answered, no matter what the perversion is that is blocking you.
Do you even WANT to be Healed?
Because WHEN you do…
God says it time & time again.
CONFESS IT & REPENT OF IT & YOU WILL BE FORGIVEN OF IT.
CONFESS= ADMIT YOU DID IT TO GOD, & that you know NOW that it is wrong. This is not about what you knew before when it began. He was with you when it began. He knows the whole thing.He asks you to confess what you know right in that moment you come to him. this is the right now saving moment,the from here on out nexus point we are talking about.
REPENT= GET THE FUCK UP-STOP WALLOWING IN IT- STOP DOING THE SHIT, TURN COMPLETELY AWAY FROM IT & DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT.
FORGIVEN = HE TAKES IT AS FAR AS EAST IS FROM WEST FROM YOU.
Where am i getting THAT from?
New King James Version (NKJV)
A Man Healed at the Pool of Bethesda
5 After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda,[a] having five porches. 3 In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water.
4 For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.[b] 5 Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”
7 The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”
8 Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” 9 And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.
And that day was the Sabbath. 10 The Jews therefore said to him who was cured, “It is the Sabbath; it is not lawful for you to carry your bed.”
11 He answered them, “He who made me well said to me, ‘Take up your bed and walk.’”
12 Then they asked him, “Who is the Man who said to you, ‘Take up your bed and walk’?” 13 But the one who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, a multitude being in that place. 14 Afterward Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, “See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.”
15 The man departed and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well.
You have to believe GOD CAN heal the entirety of the thing.
& you have to know that it is possible your healing IN it is going to be challenged with every step you take AWAY from it. But you gotta keep taking those steps. Away from it.
does that mean its all over?
There ARE going to be people- sometimes the Very people who are Supposed to be rejoicing at you being healed…who are going to show themselves & who they really serve by being pissed at your “getting away.” They are going to come for you, angry.
And you are going to have to keep walking.
His word says IF we confess the sins of it and turn from it he is mighty to save us. All hell may[& usually does] break loose when we try to walk that out after believing his word. But it’s happening as an afterthought temper tantrum over you being snatched out of hell by a clear decision of your own. & it is GOING to be a battle. One that many times you will feel like you are walking through utterly alone.
I honestly do not know HOW it is all going to end other than with Christ in victory. I am standing on his word that says that his forgiveness is real. For myself and many others who are smack dab in the middle of trying it out, trying to see if he REALLY IS GOOD….
…but what it comes down to is you’re not happy caught up in the lie of it anyway, and that loneliness is BETTER than the lie being lived…BECAUSE at least once you make the step, you & that inner child YOU just chose to save have access to something so Holy …and it is something that will Never leave you once you take that leap of faith.
…&yes, even those who abuse have inner children that NEED to be saved just as much as those of the people they victimize.
In the END…God doesn’t want ANYONE to Perish.
& in the end we ALL have targets on our backs.
But we gotta get real about the fact that there is SOMETHING woven into this world we live in that stands in direct opposition to God wanting Everyone he made to get HOME.
And the Devil has perverted Every thing he could get his hands on so you cant even “see” the reality of actual love. Including the flesh of many of us.
One wins by the number of Lives saved.
One acts like he is going to win according to the pile of corpses &zombies he racks up.
There are some of you i know are walking this out.
I KNOW you’re struggling trying to “break free.”But it’s really waking up to the realization that you ARE free and “it” is doubling back trying to “break” you.
I KNOW it is HARD to not fall back into it as everything around you seems set to encourage you to backslide into the lie-fe-style.
So much can rear up trying to convince you that your life was better then, that you moved in more power when you were Under it… Usually showing up like the hordes that poured out of Egypt WITH the chosen ones who down the road spoke so much shit about their past being better than freedom that they got wiped out and all they infected had to die off before their kids could even attempt to enter the promised land they’d only been 12 days away from 40 years down the road.
But its worth noting that God didnt “kill the ones that belonged to him” off. Which he easily could have like he did to the rabble. He let them walk out the lives of despair they chose to cling to. Which messes with me…but i see even his mercy there.
If you are his…you are his…even in the wilderness.& even though sometimes YOU can’t see the difference, mired in the the shit you’re in…God always KNOWS those who are really his no matter what they are enslaved in.
It is my love for my COURAGEOUS big brothers who have been marching this shit out in private that MAKES me HAVE to speak up.
The ones DOING the work are sweating Blood to stay the course as EVERYTHING around them seems to be out for blood in opposition to that victory.
Besides all this that i have posted, this plea to wake up that i have written, all i can offer is what i hear in my head when it gets tough as Hell to live the life assigned as my race here.
“Walk it out.”
That’s the rhema word i hear from God all the time when it gets tough.
put down another foot in the right direction. & it gives me hope-& reminds me that certain shit has no place “in.” because of who i have given the fight over to.
It’s a race. sometimes we can sprint, run, coast…or walk.
Sometimes God has to carry us, and sometimes he has to pick us up & just hold us after we’ve all but crumpled to the ground in despair over the course of this race.
But if you have the slightest inkling…if this does not sound Stupid to you…if you “feel me”
…if it is not foolishness to you… then God is angling for you and there IS hope in your race too. Just Walk it out. With him.
Because there is some shit residing within you that God never wanted to be inside of you. There are things you repeatedly let inside of you that God never meant to be inside of you.
There is shit in you that you can walk OUT of you…for good…
if you can drop the act and admit that your solution to the wounds of your past have Failed. it still hurts.it still is not addressed-it still is not cleaned out & redressed so it can truly heal…and instead it is gaining victory over the most intimate parts of you.
God CAN & WILL help you if you sincerely want & ask to be healed.
Or he can love you enough to watch you die in your choice not to be healed of it because you are his and he is going to honor your choice to die in lieu of doing the work to live.