Inner-child & I have been having a hard time conceptualizing salads this year. If we get them out somewhere there’s this inner conversation of “See? all we’d have to do is Get all that stuff and then we can do that at home.” But seven months into 2014 I think I’ve made two at home & they kinda sucked. I mean Borrrrring.
And since I rarely do boring with my food…they just weren’t happening [food is fuel, my ass! Food is a glorious sensory experience given to us to relish by God! see?! Relish! just don’t be a dick about it lol].
Now…I’m not talking about labeling the deranged Americana idea of salad with all the mayo and yada yada- as healthy…but those we got down. I did just post something about a shrimp & quail egg salad that lit my heart on fire…and a potato salad…and I keep eyefucking lobster at the market because I so wanna try to make lobster rolls this summer…even though I’m not all ga-ga over lobster in the first place. It’s probably horrifying for it to register “she’s desiring lobster to…make lobster rolls” instead of some swanky what have you, but a life lived is a lived life.
But after focusing so hard on learning what and how to juice correctly…who knew those juicing eggplant are kind of trying to kill you? [Nightshade, baby~] i sort of blanked out on the whole eating vs drinking vegetables. But months in,as is the norm with any cult[food or otherwise] you come across that are you in or out? gangland item &… inner child put her foot down. All of a sudden, everyone was championing some mess about “you should chew your juice” …and THAT was it. She just tapped out.
“I’m done-I’m not gonna Stand here..with your~i’m just gonna say it…health-nutty butt[*gasp*]..Chewing Juice… these people are- If we’re CHEWING, we’re chewing food!dang nabbit!! Fiddlesticks!”
ok, it wasn’t that bad. But there was a period of going for the juicer and suddenly finding myself in other things, it collecting dust. Baby was NOT having it. So I got a replacement blender-I’d donated my 1st to the shack in ELH I went to write in for any margarita making madness that should hit it in my wake. Logic:My South Beach Summer cold soups when it’s so hot it doesn’t even matter the Ocean is our front yard. Plus I can put cilantro & spinach in a smoothie and be like bam!*(And anyone who has tried juicing spinach knows the reason why it rarely showed up in my ether mixes. It’s kind of a dick to juice).
But I’d given up on the whole salad thing. Some things I’m just gonna be like “fuck it, its not that deep” about, and salads sat squarely in that territory. I may have been born under the sign of the hare but mama didn’t raise no rabbit nibble chick in the first place, especially one to be mewing about “if only I could..sniff*… find a way…to- eat a bowl of…leaves. Only…Then everything’d be ok.”
Nah. I’ve been in this mess for too long. I know that Many flipping smoothies and salads have more calories than a big mac value meal, especially when done super-sized the American way. Whether I believe in the concept of calories as the devil is not even the point in that one[I don’t btw .not exactly]. All my life I’ve watched cholas getting fat off eating nothing but salads and cottage cheese. And I see the “salads” 9.99 a pound you can build at grocery stores everywhere now. Sometimes they may as well go get a medium pizza because it’s gonna do the same thing when they sit down. It’s just a bowl of kool-aid I have no illusions about.
…so… a lot of somewhat whiny and petulant factors working into the aforementioned absence of said item on the menu. Too much crazy space for Boring food, which I don’t do[spiritual health is as important as physical to me], oversized portions[ “But its a salad!” “it’s a Two Pound salad!” “You killed Bambi! You monster!” “& he is delicious! numnumnum~”]… ah, and the piece de resistance…presentation. I like my food to have a little “alright now~!” Make me Want to eat or get to the bottom of you, you know? Systematic mystery. None of this “hock it all into a bowl” mess. Give me Artistry, give me Interest, Curiosity~ make it an event!
I thought that salads had given up the ghost with all this working against them. And then I saw something that…was like a Morpheus-esque splinter in my brain.. that refused to be ignored.
It wouldn’t let me go. I was already using diff sized mason jars for the soups and what-not, but this idea- this- this was pure madness! Madness, I tell ya-
I’d be looking up something else & wham, it’d hit me again, different angle. I fought as it complained that in a mason jar it’d be the perfect size, knocking out that portion control complaint- “only so much is gonna fit into a sane-sized mason jar~.”
People were doing madcap beautiful things with this- I mean incendiary mosh-pit variations- it- Kicked the aesthetic whimmering door off its hinges, blaming me for the boredom I’d yoked the concept of salads with. It was really mouthy. “Look at it! Loooookatit! Food porn, everywhere, beckoning…”this is our time~! you can DO this~like Lovin, you can make salads…fun~!”
I fought until I couldn’t fight anymore, then I succumbed.
“Ok-eventually I will try this.”
Now…anyone who Knows me…knows that as soon as I throw eventually into some shit….technically it don’t even have to go down this lifetime if I dont feel like it. Loophole extraordinaire! My “aight-!!But back up off me,tho” move.
(let’s me know that this salad thing was deep-seated that it even Got to that lol, but still.)
Che Salad stood down, I caught my breath, grinned a bit cheekily…
And after my first interval run in the NOLA summer sun[trust me, that’s Huge- ok, it was Small…bursts…that became a game of run to the next set of shade, but it worked] I came home via grocery store, winning against all Kinds of temptation, saw I had a jar of carrot soup left and the empty jar from the pea soup just grinning bashfully at me.
I said “why not?”
And IT… turned out divine.
I did it absently in direct opposition to the kitchn.com post. Piled in cilantro, then spinach, then black olives, romano cheese, caviar, a bit of the chorizo potato chilled salad, garlic cloves,buckwheat honey, balsamic, sesame seeds and oil. then put one of the Spanish tortilla tortes at the top of the pile, sealed it, shook it and done.
Maybe my favorite part was the whole “I’m not even putting this into a bowl, I’m going to eat this salad straight from the jar!” “technically Not badass, but still” thing.
welp. That’s the fastest eventually that’s ever gone down with me. And that lil shaker in the back? That was dessert.
I’ve come onto the cold-brew coffee train,full-force. At home, anyway. Better than sun tea. Let it sit out 10-24 hrs, until long after the espresso sinks, drain the grounds from it, pour it into its temporary home, add honey while it’s still hot/room temp[which is 95 degrees in lovely New Orleans today 🙂 ], then stick it in the fridge. mellow yet potent cold coffee you don’t have to water down w/ice cubes…unless you want to.